This September we've had an Indian Summer. And it feels like August when I was in high school in the 90s. I'm lifting weights and in the best shape I've been in over a decade. I feel young again. And for GTL I'm listening to some old Crowbar.
They don't make albums that sound like this anymore.
Crowbar is a band I never listened to as a teen, but I should have. I spent too much money on crap albums back in the pre-internet era and didn't want to gamble on an album based on one Beavis and Butthead clip and Phil Anselmo's name on the back as producer.
Yeah what a fool I was.
This album is great for lifting weights. Slow and angry. And it takes me back and feels nostalgic, even though I didn't listen to it back in the day. Just the sound of those drums without triggers, the fat guitars with scooped mids, the yelling vocals that don't growl, hiss, or scream. It feels like back before air conditioning was ubiquitous and summers felt hot. Back before everything became extreme and the Scandanavian invasion and Death Metal rising. Back in the day. Summer. Uncomfortably hot; t-shirt sticking to skin and beads of sweat on brow. Even the air smells different when it isn't cooled, condensed, and filtered. The smell of summer.
Summer's quickly fading. The cool crisp in the evening feels like autumn. The start of school. Of days less hazy and halcyon. Days of the rote monotony.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Booze films presents: The Avengers Two: Inbetween Days
Wasn't the Avengers a great action flick? Sure, it kinda got lost in the middle where they were trying to have tension and drama for no reason. Like why did Loki get himself captured? But anyways it is really hard to make an action film where there are multiple action heroes. It was a great ensemble piece. I liked it so much I came up with an idea for a sequel. It will be called The Avengers in Between.
It will pick up immediately where the last one left off. It will start out as a buddy movie where we see Bruce Banner and Tony Stark have a bromance. Bruce works in Tony's lab and finds tranquility by immersing himself in his work. Tony tries to teach Bruce the zen of Stark. After a lab montage Tony says "hey bro you've been working too hard. Let's take the Ferrari to some clubs and get you laid." Its like a buddy movie where the cool guy helps the nerdy guy get the girl. Only Tony Stark is teaching Bruce Banner how to not get angry.
Moving on we will follow Captain America. You see he is the man outside. Being frozen in time since 1945 he missed out on so much that he doesn't even understand America anymore. Everyone he ever knew or loved is dead. And America itself is so different he doesn't even know if he fits in anymore. Can he really call himself Captain America? So he gets on a motorcycle and drives west from New York to California. It is a road trip movie where Captain interacts with the salt of the earth and realizes that he still loves this great nation of ours. It is the story of Captain America falling in love with America all over again.
Then we follow Arrow Guy and Hot Chick as they start an odd couple romance. You see Hot Chick is a real neat freak and Arrow Guy is a real slob. Hot Chick walks into the apartment they share and steps on an arrow and yells "If I trip on one more arrow I swear I'm going to shove it where the sun don't shine!" After a hot and cold affair they decide that, while they love each other, they are totally incompatible as a couple and decide to just be friends who occasionally blow off some steam with a hot hookup.
Next we see Thor. He goes back to Asgard and drinks beer with his buddies. He basically just sits around boozing with his pals and telling stories about vanquishing his foes and saving Earth. "So I hit it with a lightning bolt. Boom!" Obviously this will be a short vignette.
Finally we see Nick Fury sitting in conference calls. The top brass say things like "Listen, we appreciate your judgement. But we just don't see why you need another flying aircraft carrier. I mean I'm reviewing your briefing and I don't see how it gave you a tactical advantage. Why can't you just settle for a real nice jet plane like those X-Men?" And Nick Fury sighs and says "Did I not just save the world from total annihilation at the hands of interdimensional beings? And you can't just fix my damn aircraft carrier?"
Then as things get too complacent alarms go off in Nick Fury's headquarters and he touches the Avenger's button on his lapel and says "Avengers, assemble". We see all the other Avengers get the signal and give a surprised look to the camera and the film ends. The end. The Avengers Three would be all action. But I don't care about that. I just want to see the Avengers go through their small lives and experience those small hours in between the life changing action sequences. That's why it is call the Avengers in Between.
It will pick up immediately where the last one left off. It will start out as a buddy movie where we see Bruce Banner and Tony Stark have a bromance. Bruce works in Tony's lab and finds tranquility by immersing himself in his work. Tony tries to teach Bruce the zen of Stark. After a lab montage Tony says "hey bro you've been working too hard. Let's take the Ferrari to some clubs and get you laid." Its like a buddy movie where the cool guy helps the nerdy guy get the girl. Only Tony Stark is teaching Bruce Banner how to not get angry.
Moving on we will follow Captain America. You see he is the man outside. Being frozen in time since 1945 he missed out on so much that he doesn't even understand America anymore. Everyone he ever knew or loved is dead. And America itself is so different he doesn't even know if he fits in anymore. Can he really call himself Captain America? So he gets on a motorcycle and drives west from New York to California. It is a road trip movie where Captain interacts with the salt of the earth and realizes that he still loves this great nation of ours. It is the story of Captain America falling in love with America all over again.
Then we follow Arrow Guy and Hot Chick as they start an odd couple romance. You see Hot Chick is a real neat freak and Arrow Guy is a real slob. Hot Chick walks into the apartment they share and steps on an arrow and yells "If I trip on one more arrow I swear I'm going to shove it where the sun don't shine!" After a hot and cold affair they decide that, while they love each other, they are totally incompatible as a couple and decide to just be friends who occasionally blow off some steam with a hot hookup.
Next we see Thor. He goes back to Asgard and drinks beer with his buddies. He basically just sits around boozing with his pals and telling stories about vanquishing his foes and saving Earth. "So I hit it with a lightning bolt. Boom!" Obviously this will be a short vignette.
Finally we see Nick Fury sitting in conference calls. The top brass say things like "Listen, we appreciate your judgement. But we just don't see why you need another flying aircraft carrier. I mean I'm reviewing your briefing and I don't see how it gave you a tactical advantage. Why can't you just settle for a real nice jet plane like those X-Men?" And Nick Fury sighs and says "Did I not just save the world from total annihilation at the hands of interdimensional beings? And you can't just fix my damn aircraft carrier?"
Then as things get too complacent alarms go off in Nick Fury's headquarters and he touches the Avenger's button on his lapel and says "Avengers, assemble". We see all the other Avengers get the signal and give a surprised look to the camera and the film ends. The end. The Avengers Three would be all action. But I don't care about that. I just want to see the Avengers go through their small lives and experience those small hours in between the life changing action sequences. That's why it is call the Avengers in Between.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Booze Films presents: The Big Lebowski Two
Some days the fever takes hold and the visions come. Today I will share one such vision. The sequel that will never be made. The sequel flitters through your eyes in a reverie when you find yourself uttering a Dudeism. I present to you an outline for The Big Lebowski Two.
Fast Forward to the early 2000s and the time of the second Iraq war. The Dude is living in Los Angeles as always, and working at a medical marijuana dispensary. "The Dude is a horticulturalist." It is a co-op, of course, and the Dude has "glaucoma, man, a real bummer. But, what're you gonna do?"
It is an average day in the dispensary where a variety of strange Los Angeles types come in and interact with the Dude. Then, just before closing, in comes The Big Lebowski. "Of all the medical marijuana dispensaries in all the world he has to come into mine". You see The Big Lebowski has cancer and a real prescription for a real condition. They have an awkward conversation about the Dude's son, and everything gets really chill after a few tokes.
You see in my vision for the Big Lebowski Two there is even less of a plot than the first one. It is going to be a movie about nothing.
A movie about nothing. The Dude hangs out with his buddies at the dispensary, goes bowling with Walter, and does yoga on the beach. Nothing. Nada por nada es nada. Nihil est nihil. Nothing.
Lebowski fans I pitch this idea to are not amused, but think about this objectively. You'd get to see all the best bits of the Dude that you loved from the first film without it being ruined by the needs of the sequel to outdo its predecessor. Think about, man.
Fast Forward to the early 2000s and the time of the second Iraq war. The Dude is living in Los Angeles as always, and working at a medical marijuana dispensary. "The Dude is a horticulturalist." It is a co-op, of course, and the Dude has "glaucoma, man, a real bummer. But, what're you gonna do?"
It is an average day in the dispensary where a variety of strange Los Angeles types come in and interact with the Dude. Then, just before closing, in comes The Big Lebowski. "Of all the medical marijuana dispensaries in all the world he has to come into mine". You see The Big Lebowski has cancer and a real prescription for a real condition. They have an awkward conversation about the Dude's son, and everything gets really chill after a few tokes.
You see in my vision for the Big Lebowski Two there is even less of a plot than the first one. It is going to be a movie about nothing.
A movie about nothing. The Dude hangs out with his buddies at the dispensary, goes bowling with Walter, and does yoga on the beach. Nothing. Nada por nada es nada. Nihil est nihil. Nothing.
Lebowski fans I pitch this idea to are not amused, but think about this objectively. You'd get to see all the best bits of the Dude that you loved from the first film without it being ruined by the needs of the sequel to outdo its predecessor. Think about, man.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
The great bandana face off
Wouldn't you like a soft decorative rag upon your person? Something to tie over the crown of your head to prevent your bald spot from getting a sun burn? Something to tie around your forehead to sop up sweat? Something to soak and tie around your neck to keep you cool like a dog or Charles Nelson Riley? Well I have just the ticket: bandana!
Oh but you find life too short for itchy fabric. You will stop at nothing to comfort yourself in the softest fabrics available. Then I am here to help you.
The two websites which boast of the most premium bandanas are tansclub and wholesale for everyone. A bit of warning: both stores will charge you a minimum of about 7 bucks for shipping but a trifle for the bandanas. Like 39 cents or something silly. So buy a few; you might as well. Shipping was fast for both websites. I followed the wisdom madness of the nets and boiled these to reduce starch and stiffness. It helped a little but putting them through the washing machine worked better (don't forget the fabric softener).
Well here is the result of tansclub. They seem nice.
Look closely you can see the quality stitching around the edges that tansclub premium advertise.
And how does wholesale for everyone compare? First I should note that they have 2 premium choices. The regular and the made in USA. When I opened the package I couldn't tell which was which. They have different hues, and one is slightly larger and slightly thinner. Then I noticed the stitching around the edges was different and compared to my other regular. Turns out the USA one has better stitching and is the slightly smaller and thicker one. So there's that.
Inferior Chinese stitching.
As you can see they are all slightly different hues. The Tansclub's bandana was very very slightly thicker than the other two. However I would give the slight edge in softness to the USA made wholesale for everyone bandana. I also liked the hue, but each color variation has its own merits. So there you go. The softest bandana is the wholesale for everyone. The thickest is the tansclub. They all have slightly different shades of orange. Paisley is suckass cowboy crap. I have problems!
Friday, April 12, 2013
Forgotten Classics: Vader's Spiritual Litany
Too often we forget what a profound spiritual work Vader unleased with Litany. Rushing like a tsunami, Wings sets the tone of the album perfectly. A philosophical and poetical work revealing the godlike nature within. Would you do the same if I shed my pair of wings it asks.
The symbolism of the scarab is veiled in the mythology of ancient Egypt. Personified by Khepri, the scarab was the god of rebirth.
A scarab beetle which toils through its phases
From an egg through a larva to the protector of the dawning Sun
The birth of the individual from his humble beginnings to the creation of the will requires toil. Much like the word yoga originally meant to yoke onself to a task that requires exertion (before it came to mean leggings for rich white women), Xeper symbolizes not just the Egyptian mythology of creation but of our inner creation.
Meaning can only come from the individual In the moments of divine clairvoyance and intensification of Being The utterance of the word which ripples through the fabric of the world And gives insight and strength to those who want to become
I have come into being
Sounds existentialist, no? The One Made of Dreams takes us through similar existential questions.
I am the Lizard without the King
I am Fall without the Leap
I am the Power without the Might
I am the Wanderer without the Road
The inner logic of this album is punctuated by the music, which seems to wash over the listener in waves.
Yes it is percussive. And fast. But it also the most intense album Vader has released. Each moment is embedded with so much passion that it is at times overwhelming. Anyways, it seems like an overlooked classic that gives greater insights and revelations as time goes on. It doesn't sound dated at all, though it was released about 13 years ago. My how time flies. Heck I even really dig the cover art. It is a lot classier than the last couple albums. Some digitial looking stuff and that neo-fascist stuff I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that as a t-shirt (not that I wear t-shirts anyways). Would would buy that merch? But the Litany art? I would buy that merch.
So there it is, Litany. My favorite Vader album. Your thoughts?
The symbolism of the scarab is veiled in the mythology of ancient Egypt. Personified by Khepri, the scarab was the god of rebirth.
A scarab beetle which toils through its phases
From an egg through a larva to the protector of the dawning Sun
The birth of the individual from his humble beginnings to the creation of the will requires toil. Much like the word yoga originally meant to yoke onself to a task that requires exertion (before it came to mean leggings for rich white women), Xeper symbolizes not just the Egyptian mythology of creation but of our inner creation.
Meaning can only come from the individual In the moments of divine clairvoyance and intensification of Being The utterance of the word which ripples through the fabric of the world And gives insight and strength to those who want to become
I have come into being
Sounds existentialist, no? The One Made of Dreams takes us through similar existential questions.
I am the Lizard without the King
I am Fall without the Leap
I am the Power without the Might
I am the Wanderer without the Road
The inner logic of this album is punctuated by the music, which seems to wash over the listener in waves.
Yes it is percussive. And fast. But it also the most intense album Vader has released. Each moment is embedded with so much passion that it is at times overwhelming. Anyways, it seems like an overlooked classic that gives greater insights and revelations as time goes on. It doesn't sound dated at all, though it was released about 13 years ago. My how time flies. Heck I even really dig the cover art. It is a lot classier than the last couple albums. Some digitial looking stuff and that neo-fascist stuff I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that as a t-shirt (not that I wear t-shirts anyways). Would would buy that merch? But the Litany art? I would buy that merch.
So there it is, Litany. My favorite Vader album. Your thoughts?
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Orange Creamsicle
I have a dog and when it gets hot I soak a bandana and tie it around his neck. It is an old dog trick. This summer is taking shape as the grasp of winter slackens and spring begins anew. Spring is either cold and grey or hot and bright. And old man booze is ready for hot and bright. I am already soaking my bandana of delight in a well of intoxication in preparation for the heat of the summer to come.
I have already prepared a theme for this summer. Orange Creamsicle. The color orange will be the color of 2013.
Yes. Come join me on a journey of intoxication from various substances that will result in tremens delirium. We may even leave this earthly realm and have an odyssey of epic proportion with the help of some wonderful alkaloids. If you put up with my music the drinks are on me. My treat.
What are your plans for summer? Summer requires planning, really. You need to set the mood. The theme. The feeling. The soundtrack will fall into place and everything just might go right.
Have you decided what booze and drugs to stockpile for the long hot summer sure to come?
Somehow right now the dream of summer feels like a fevered hallucination brought on by too much benedryl.
Some people don't like the heat. I understand not liking the heat once it crosses 90. That shit's unbearable. Otherwise I don't mind it and I don't really understand the animosity. People seem to have an aversion to feeling like they are alive. They don't want to be too hot that they sweat or too cold that they need to wear long pants. They seem to want a boring stasis of stale 70 degree grey. But the bright sun is mercilessly hot. And feeling that bead of sweat trickle down the side of your face is what it feels like to be alive in the summertime. Doesn't anyone like feeling alive anymore? Has the whole world gone crazy?
So what are your plans for the summer? Have you picked a theme yet? Don't wait too long because it will be hot before you know it. Unless you live in San Francisco in which case it will not be hot and you will be wearing a hoodie in July and I will feel sorry for you.
I have already prepared a theme for this summer. Orange Creamsicle. The color orange will be the color of 2013.
Yes. Come join me on a journey of intoxication from various substances that will result in tremens delirium. We may even leave this earthly realm and have an odyssey of epic proportion with the help of some wonderful alkaloids. If you put up with my music the drinks are on me. My treat.
What are your plans for summer? Summer requires planning, really. You need to set the mood. The theme. The feeling. The soundtrack will fall into place and everything just might go right.
Have you decided what booze and drugs to stockpile for the long hot summer sure to come?
Somehow right now the dream of summer feels like a fevered hallucination brought on by too much benedryl.
Some people don't like the heat. I understand not liking the heat once it crosses 90. That shit's unbearable. Otherwise I don't mind it and I don't really understand the animosity. People seem to have an aversion to feeling like they are alive. They don't want to be too hot that they sweat or too cold that they need to wear long pants. They seem to want a boring stasis of stale 70 degree grey. But the bright sun is mercilessly hot. And feeling that bead of sweat trickle down the side of your face is what it feels like to be alive in the summertime. Doesn't anyone like feeling alive anymore? Has the whole world gone crazy?
So what are your plans for the summer? Have you picked a theme yet? Don't wait too long because it will be hot before you know it. Unless you live in San Francisco in which case it will not be hot and you will be wearing a hoodie in July and I will feel sorry for you.
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