Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Booze films presents: The Avengers Two: Inbetween Days

Wasn't the Avengers a great action flick?  Sure, it kinda got lost in the middle where they were trying to have tension and drama for no reason.  Like why did Loki get himself captured?  But anyways it is really hard to make an action film where there are multiple action heroes.  It was a great ensemble piece.  I liked it so much I came up with an idea for a sequel.  It will be called The Avengers in Between.

It will pick up immediately where the last one left off.  It will start out as a buddy movie where we see Bruce Banner and Tony Stark have a bromance.  Bruce works in Tony's lab and finds tranquility by immersing himself in his work.  Tony tries to teach Bruce the zen of Stark.  After a lab montage Tony says "hey bro you've been working too hard.  Let's take the Ferrari to some clubs and get you laid."  Its like a buddy movie where the cool guy helps the nerdy guy get the girl.  Only Tony Stark is teaching Bruce Banner how to not get angry.

Moving on we will follow Captain America.  You see he is the man outside.  Being frozen in time since 1945 he missed out on so much that he doesn't even understand America anymore.  Everyone he ever knew or loved is dead.  And America itself is so different he doesn't even know if he fits in anymore.  Can he really call himself Captain America?  So he gets on a motorcycle and drives west from New York to California.  It is a road trip movie where Captain interacts with the salt of the earth and realizes that he still loves this great nation of ours.  It is the story of Captain America falling in love with America all over again.

Then we follow Arrow Guy and Hot Chick as they start an odd couple romance.  You see Hot Chick is a real neat freak and Arrow Guy is a real slob.  Hot Chick walks into the apartment they share and steps on an arrow and yells "If I trip on one more arrow I swear I'm going to shove it where the sun don't shine!"  After a hot and cold affair they decide that, while they love each other, they are totally incompatible as a couple and decide to just be friends who occasionally blow off some steam with a hot hookup.

Next we see Thor.  He goes back to Asgard and drinks beer with his buddies.  He basically just sits around boozing with his pals and telling stories about vanquishing his foes and saving Earth.  "So I hit it with a lightning bolt.  Boom!"  Obviously this will be a short vignette.

Finally we see Nick Fury sitting in conference calls.  The top brass say things like "Listen, we appreciate your judgement.  But we just don't see why you need another flying aircraft carrier.  I mean I'm reviewing your briefing and I don't see how it gave you a tactical advantage.  Why can't you just settle for a real nice jet plane like those X-Men?"  And Nick Fury sighs and says "Did I not just save the world from total annihilation at the hands of interdimensional beings?  And you can't just fix my damn aircraft carrier?"

Then as things get too complacent alarms go off in Nick Fury's headquarters and he touches the Avenger's button on his lapel and says "Avengers, assemble".  We see all the other Avengers get the signal and give a surprised look to the camera and the film ends.  The end.  The Avengers Three would be all action.  But I don't care about that.  I just want to see the Avengers go through their small lives and experience those small hours in between the life changing action sequences.  That's why it is call the Avengers in Between.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Booze Films presents: The Big Lebowski Two

Some days the fever takes hold and the visions come.  Today I will share one such vision.  The sequel that will never be made.  The sequel flitters through your eyes in a reverie when you find yourself uttering a Dudeism.  I present to you an outline for The Big Lebowski Two.

Fast Forward to the early 2000s and the time of the second Iraq war.  The Dude is living in Los Angeles as always, and working at a medical marijuana dispensary.  "The Dude is a horticulturalist."  It is a co-op, of course, and the Dude has "glaucoma, man, a real bummer.  But, what're you gonna do?"

It is an average day in the dispensary where a variety of strange Los Angeles types come in and interact with the Dude.  Then, just before closing, in comes The Big Lebowski.  "Of all the medical marijuana dispensaries in all the world he has to come into mine".  You see The Big Lebowski has cancer and a real prescription for a real condition.  They have an awkward conversation about the Dude's son, and everything gets really chill after a few tokes.

You see in my vision for the Big Lebowski Two there is even less of a plot than the first one.  It is going to be a movie about nothing.

A movie about nothing.  The Dude hangs out with his buddies at the dispensary, goes bowling with Walter, and does yoga on the beach.  Nothing.  Nada por nada es nada.  Nihil est nihil.  Nothing.

Lebowski fans I pitch this idea to are not amused, but think about this objectively.  You'd get to see all the best bits of the Dude that you loved from the first film without it being ruined by the needs of the sequel to outdo its predecessor.  Think about, man.