Saturday, February 28, 2009

The one bright spot

The one bright spot I see from President Obama is the hope to normalize relations with Cuba. Yeah yeah, change and hope and all that. Maybe I've been reading too much Hemingway, but I really would like to visit Cuba one day. It isn't that far away. What, 90 miles from Miami? It is one of the nicest islands in the Caribbean, thanks to communist inefficiencies. Like I said, maybe I've read too much Hemingway and now I want to go there but I can't. But if Obama moves towards removing those sanctions, then I could go. I mean who cares anymore? There is no more USSR. Cuba has to be the only communist nation left in the Western Hemisphere. I can hardly consider China communist either. So what is the harm in buying some Cuban cigars and going to visit some island in the sea and having my dollar's purchasing power go so far. Pennies on the dollar and all.

Long Palm

It would be nice to see one of these trees outside for a change.

Friday, February 27, 2009

My horrible life

I hate my roommate. She is in the livingroom with her idiot boyfriend. Dawn is in the bedroom dying of a migraine. I am surrounded by horrible cats. I need to get out of here, but it is too cold to walk. I won't risk driving drunk, but I need to get hammered. I hate it here. I hate my life. I am in prison, and there is only one way out.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Library blues

Today I went to the library, and everything I wanted was checked out.

Portrait of the artist as a young man - out
Fight club - out
Fear and loathing in Las Vegas - out
Vampire Hunter D vol 3 - out


Thus at the hallway of knowledge I find myself confronted with a locked door.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Spiritual quest

I usually try to avoid drinking beer, because it is full of empty calories. It has a lot of carbohydrates, as you know. However, there is something really special about drinking pilsner and eating hot pretzels in the winter. I can't really explain it, but it is immensely satisfying.

Friday, February 13, 2009

A time to reflect

The nice thing about retirement is that there is time to reflect; to put life into perspective. So to assist this I went to the zoo and had what alcoholics refer to as "a moment of clarity".

I know exactly how you feel, chief

The void stares back! And apparently makes obscene gestures too.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Retirement: Day 3

Today I went and signed up for work with a staffing firm. I've had enough of unemployment. By day two I found myself staring into the void, and yes the void indeed stares back.


I have been listening to Burzum, reading Kafka, and staring into the void as a primer for retirement. What does that lead to? Me worrying about overcoats.

If no jobs turn up soon, I fear that the madness will begin to consume me. Also, I haven't yet gotten my coat. For a while I was searching online desperately for the perfect one. A greatcoat would be perfect.

This Belgian army greatcoat is almost perfect. Warm, distinguished, and less than 100 bucks. But it isn't black.

This Soviet navy greatcoat is almost perfect, but 245 dollars.

I almost got a Navy bridgecoat, but they aren't quite long enough. Close, oh so close, and cheap. Plus those have epaulets, which are awesome. So yes, this is what one does with too much time. I will probably have to settle with a London Fog from the Burlington Coat Factory, but that saddens me because the lapels are so puny. We must have large lapels, and double breasted. Yes, we must. We know you trixies are wanting our double breasted precious, yes. We know you wants our big lapels, yesses. Yes. Soon, my precious, sssoooon!

Again, sooo close. And hopefully I wouldn't look like a child molester wearing it, as this guy certainly does. Maybe it is the mustache?

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Retirement: Day 1

So I am unemployed. First thing's first; the unemployment office sucks. This is going to be a hassle and a half. But, it is what it is. I am tempted to just forgo unemployment and just to straight to a staffing firm and head back to work. But I do want this week off. Call me lazy, but I need to decompress just a little bit.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Retirement Countdown: 4 days

That's right folks, I have 4 days until retirement. I'm going through the checklist now. I've finally picked a severance whiskey: Tyrconnell. No overcoat yet, but there is still time. I also have an official unemployment movie picked out. Can you guess which one?

This is what happens when you're not economically viable!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Your weekly Bollywood

Is your mind ready to peel off? Then prepare yourself for Indian Pretty Woman

Understand the silence

One thing I will miss about this job is the staff meetings. Our president has a way of speaking extemporaneously that is like poetry. Last week he declared that he would help us "understand the silence" of our acquisition deal.

If someone said that phrase to you, without any context, what would you think it meant? How do you interpret "understanding the silence"?

Monday, February 2, 2009


I tend to become completely obsessed with a thing, and hold onto that obsession until it has passed. For example, I have become enamored with the idea of wearing a black wool overcoat. The idea is in me, and I have a sort of vision in my head of this occurrence. Not that I imagine seeing it for the first time, like Christmas. No. I see myself, in the early morning, warm in my jacket, walking out of the capitol building. I can see the grain of the wood on the door and, beyond that, the light golden rays of morning come to warm the cold, crisp winter air. I see it so clearly that I feel I must make it happen. I must experience it. And so I wait, in breathless anticipation, in the hopes that my parents send me one for my birthday.