The most wonderful time of the year

The office is introducing all kinds of terrible ideas for holiday cheer including secret Santa. Get this: we're supposed to secretly give someone who is working mandatory 10 hours of overtime a gift. Won't that be fun?

You know what? Fuck you Christmas. Fuck your stupid gift giving bullshit. I'd really like Christmas if it wasn't for the fucking presents. And Nutcracker. Fucking bullshit.



They shove Nutcracker up your ass because it is free. No seriously Tchaikovsky has been dead so long the music is public domain, so commercials chose to use it over and over again to save money. At least Dean Martin isn't free. Baby it's cold outside. Grab yourself a glass of brandy and bundle up.

If anyone has any secret Santa ideas sound off in the comments. Otherwise someone will have a holly jolly Christmas full of Pez.

Indian whisky watch: spurious liquor

So far there is no news on how soon Officer's Choice whisky will make its way from India to America. However, the closest thing I could find to a tasting review is HERE under the title "bad, smelly whisky"

Money quote:

"Prohibition and Excise sleuths uncovered three cases of manufacture and supply of spurious liquor in the city under the “Officers Choice” brand."

Apparently two bottles of Officer's Choice were reported by "a consumer, Mr G. Satyapal Reddy, who purchased a bottle of Officer’s Choice whisky from both Reddy Wines and Gopal Wines in Bowenpally and found the liquor smelt and tasted bad."

So yeah, Officer's Choice spurious liquor. Coming to a retailer near you.

Bachfest

On the 250th anniversary of the death of J.S. Bach the University of Michigan school of music performed 24 hours of Bach without interruption. I went to a party that night and, after a heavy dose of binge drinking, wandered my way to Hill Auditorium and listened for several hours. I wanted to hear the fugues. I remember my excitement as the staff wheeled the organ onto the middle of the stage and plugged it into the pipes.



The Frieze Memorial Organ, built for 1893 Chicago World’s Columbian Exposition with over 4,000 pipes.

Did I mention that it is a beautiful building with perfect acoustics? No seriously I have never heard better acoustics in any venue. Though I must say not the most comfortable seats for passing out at 4 AM. Sadly I woke up the next morning with a wicked hangover and missed the rest of Bachfest. I had not yet discovered the healing power of ramen noodles.

And now said University of Michigan is allowing you dear readers to download all of Bach's organ pieces for free. Click HERE

Homemade Pizza

Tonight I made some homemade pizza based on some dough recipes I found online. All I had to buy special was the yeast. The wife had the flower and I used some pasta sauce in lieu of pizza sauce or tomatoes. However, I chose to buy unglazed ceramic tiles from the hardware store (49 cents a piece) to put on the top and bottom of the oven to recreate a real pizza oven. It is an old internet trick.

Not bad for my first time out. A little too doughy, needs a bit more salt. Though you know what this means. It means I will have to find just the right cheap red wine to go with homemade pizza. Because everyone is poor and thrifty these days, Mr. Booze represents living well on the cheap.

There are many recipes online, but I used this one because it was expedient: no waiting overnight. Also it was at the top of the google search.

The locus for this project was here:



I'm trying to refine the art of living well on the cheap, so forgive me if you don't think this is as interesting as coats or Bach on the electric guitar.

Skymall

I find the Skymall magazine to be the most fascinating and wonderful publication. I find no end of curiosities as well as many remarkable items that shall soon become Christmas and birthday gifts for family and friends.

There is so much in Skymall that I would like to curate a tour through the wonderment.

I wonder what it says of society today that so many gadgets are made to relieve headaches and migraines? Think for a minute that our language has a special term for a particular sort of headache, the migraine, while it hasn't come up with a word to describe two people living together in a monogamous relationship that aren't married or a gay couple in a married relationship. Cohabitation could mean a married couple or several other things and partner is such a broad term it can mean anything from a professional relationship to someone you dance with.





The proliferation of gadgets and the development of the term migraine indicates that a great number of people suffer from them and that relief is out of reach for a large percentage of sufferers. Therefore new products have developed in order to fill that gap, for it is the law of supply and demand.

Or rather, it is the law of demand and supply. You see, supply does not spring forth ex-nihilo but rather from demand. Demand drives supply, whether the supply can even truly exist or not. Demand for gold drove the alchemists of yore and demand in face of a lack of supply drives a similar alchemy today. Let's have a look at the alchemy of Skymall.

My personal favorite alchemist innovation in Skymall is the gadget that will age a bottle of wine the equivalent of several years of cellar slumber in a matter of seconds.


All by the power of magnets!

The box lists whisky as well. No need for oak barrels apparently, magnets can produce the same effect. One's Johnny Walker red can become Johnny Walker blue in mere minutes? Demand and supply.

Other items that demand a second look can be useful. Note I did not say practical. Observe the solar powered cell phone charger.



How will those solar cells absorb photons in your pocket? Perhaps if you are at a picnic you might be able to juice up via the power of the sun.

Other items you might want in your home include the peeing baby fountain and giant Moa.





And what woman doesn't want falsies for her butt?


Women who wear this should be sued for false advertising

Yet I have to tell of things I am buying for loved ones. The Taun-Taun sleeping bag, the movie reel clock, and the Wonder Woman cuff bracelet are all on the list. There is truly something for everyone. Aren't you jealous?

Some things offer a supply to which there is no demand or, if there is a latent demand, it is imperceptible to me. For instance the Orbitwheels have all the charm of the jump to conclusions.






Will it be the next big thing? Only time will tell. In the mean time, please buy me one of everything in the Skymall magazine. Thank you.