2011 predictions: Barokepunk

What will be big in 2011? The answer is Barokepunk. Behold!

Artist's rendition of a young Barokepunk in full regalia

What is Barokepunk? An offshoot of Steampunk that I invented and hope to profit therein. At this point you might be old and have a jitterbug and wondering what Steampunk is. Well I'll tell you. Steampunk is an arts and crafts decorative movement. It focuses on taking Victorian aesthetics and combining them with modern sensibilities, and lots of gears and goggles. Think Martha Stewart with a hard on for brass.



Hey baby, do you know what time it is? Lolz!



Is that guy on the right Steven Spielberg?



WTF?



Boobies...

Now you might be wondering what is punk about steampunk. Nothing really, why do you ask?

Steampunk is big business, and all the fashion designers are starting to take notice. Just look what happens when New York finds out about what nerds in Peoria are doing in mom's basement:



Do you think this will sell well to the urban market?



This photoshoot cost more than an XBox 360 and Gears of War, I guarantee you.

I think some of the charm of steampunk is stripped away when these sorts of people take it and make it into a production. Remember, nerds in mom's basement started this.



If Steampunk is merely an arts and crafts decorative movement focused on Victoriana, why not another era? I guess there is already a 1930s-40s version of this called Dieselpunk. So much for my Decopunk idea (or is it Dekopunk?). But there is no Barokepunk. Until now. Behold...



Yup.


Replace Victorian with Baroque and presto, Barokepunk

This stuff writes itself, really. Hey, like anything these days a fashion statement has to become a lifestyle. Because only nerds living in mom's basement dress in steampunk fashion, it is a "subculture". And any lifestyle choice has to have its own music. Steampunk music was invented to cater to the fashion tastes of some socially awkward people, so Barokepunk will necessarily have to have music as well. Good news, it is already here. I give you the godfather of Barokepunk: Mister Yngwie Malmsteen!



Awe yeah!

Now maybe you think I am being too critical of Steampunk, or am exploiting the creativity of some people. But really, I'm just stating the obvious. I mean do you think these guys like role playing games and got picked on in high school?



Wait, is that Diedrich Bader from Office Space?



WTF? All you white people look the same!

10 to 1 they were not class president or captain of the football team. And if New York fashionistas can exploit the creativity of steampunk why can't I? By the way any and all use of Barokepunk is the intellectual property of Mister Booze. I am open to negotiating royalties for the use of Barokepunk, but remember I don't like Scotch whisky.

Finally, why weren't nerds this hot when I was in high school?



WTF? Why aren't you dressed like this?



Mind = Blown!