Thursday, December 15, 2011

Interview Jerk

I sometimes wish I could interview bands so I can ask obnoxious questions.  For example I would ask the band Agalloch:

"Your songs have often praised wood, and oak specifically.  Do you like whiskey because it absorbs the flavors of oak over time, or do you think it is a tragedy to cut down a tree for a silly drink?"

I would ask Dave Mustaine:

"You've written songs about band members being a jerk and both of them have later rejoined the band.  Do you think it would work on James Hetfield?  If Metallica wrote a song about you being a jerk would you rejoin them?"

"You like putting silly voice over stuff in your songs.  From 'pull over shithead it's the cops' in 502 to 'Gears of war' in Gears of War.  What's up with that?"

I would ask Cradle of Filth:

"How do you decide which roadie has to go buy wine coolers for the groupies?"

"Why do you look like a clown?"

I would ask Dimmu Borgir:

"Why do you dress like Cradle of Filth?"

"What wine coolers do your groupies prefer?"

I would ask Devin Townshend:

"How many albums do you have to release in a year before you can afford to eat again?"

I would ask Dream Theatre:

"What's the difference between a drummer and a large pizza?  The pizza can feed a family of four.  How can you tell if your drum riser is level?  Your drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth."

I would ask Lemmie:

"Has your doctor ever advised you to drink diet Coke instead of regular for your beetus?"

Boy I am an obnoxious prick.

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