Kitefail!

Is drinking whiskey the only thing in which I excel? I tried to make a kite Friday out of everyday household items and it got flayed in the wind and the bushes. So in my zeal I opened up the wallet and bought two kites, a classic box kite and a cheap butterfly kite. Today I had a chance to fly the new kites. The butterfly kite went up, and then nosedived. Over and over again. The box kite went up and then gently descended to the earth repeatedly. Neither would fucking fly damnit.

I've been waiting for reasonably nice weather for the last 3 or 4 days. The wind wasn't strong, but decent gusts went through. I just wanted some goddamn zen watching my fabric fly up to the clouds. I was so fucking pissed! This is not zen. Hulk smash! Fuck this shit. Maybe kite flying is not for me? I mean there are only about 10 days a year when it is warm and sunny with strong breezes, and I am stuck at work 9 of them. I've been waiting for warm weather for so long and then I have to wait for warm and sunny and strong winds? This is never going to happen.



At least I'm still good at drinking you!

20/20 is still good

MD 20/20 is sometimes looked on as "greasy kid's stuff", the sort of hooch you might have drunk in high school basements when parents were away or at a houseparty in college. I'm getting on in years, but 20/20 is still good. Despite me being old and pickled, a bottle of 20/20 can still pack a punch. I enjoy the numb feeling it instills. I know you might ask "why not just drink real wine"? Well, there is a good reason for that. Real wine has a cork, and that means you either drink it all or waste some of it. How about that screwcap? Sometimes I want to put it away for a bit and pick it up later. Yeah baby, yeah. Also, 20/20 is part of my post interview ritual. It really takes the edge off.

Let's go fly a kite

I haven't flown a kite since I was about 6 years old. I have some really hazy memories of the experience. I remember running myself ragged trying to get liftoff on a still afternoon, hoping it would get high enough to reach upper air currently and stay aloft.

I think I mentioned before that I'm planning on flying kites this summer. Friday was warm and sunny, clear and breezy, so I tried making a kite and flying it. I used wire from a hangar from the dry cleaners. I used a plastic garbage bag. I used some thread and some ribbon. I used a hot glue gun to attach things. It almost worked. I tested from my balcony, but it had stability problems. It almost took off. It ended up tangled in the balcony railing and dying.

Dawn tried her hand too, but hers might not have had enough lift. It wasn't stable either, and would swirl in the air and crash into the ground. They both ended up a shredded mess. We saved the metal parts for later, or perhaps never.

Impatiently, I bought a kite at the hobby store. Overpriced, it was. It was an impulse buy. Dawn pressures me on those things. "Just get it". She sighs exasperatedly when I hem and haw about the price of things.

The rest of the weekend was rain. Then I went to the library and checked out a book on kites. I probably should have started there rather than the internets and a store. Good old library.

So step one has been painfully realized. While I read on kites, I at least have one ready to assemble. Now all I need is a clear and sunny, warm and breezy afternoon. That will probably come next week: April showers bring May flowers.

Everytime I don't have a camera

Everytime I don't have a camera, I see something awesome. Today I was at the mall buying pants and I saw a man that looked exactly like a morbidly obese James Hetfield. But the mall is a weird place anyways, filled with weird people.

For example, there is a new contraption in the mall that looks like a giant metal slingshot. It has two bungee cords that descend from each tong, and they hold up a harness. For 6 dollars you can get in the harness, stand on a trampoline, and jump up and do flips. I don't know how long you get for 6 dollars, but I can't imagine it is very much.

Oh, I also bought some socks.

Old man booze

I can't really afford whale pants, but I'm thinking that this summer I should try dressing like an old man. That means tucking my sleeveless button down shirts into my slacks, keeping them hitched up with suspenders, and wearing a wide brimmed fedora. I wonder if people would think that I am a senior? That would be great, because I would get the senior prices at Denny's. Take that, whippersnapper!

Mister Booze has nostalgia

Sadly, this is true. I became nostalgic for the late 90s through 2001. Those were good times. They weren't carefree times but they had fewer worries. They had with them the promise of better times ahead. These days it feels like my best days are behind me, but I wasn't really thinking about it until I went to the bar down the street. I had never been there before but they promised laserbeams.



As you can see, it was all a lie. Those aren't laserbeams! But still, it was very nostalgic. I saw a few girls wearing those goofy shoes you used to see back then with the super thick sole. You know the ones. Like platform shoes but not. And the music was mediocre techno like you used to hear all the time. And as I was walking home I was remembering all the things about the late 90s. Maybe it was because I could feel spring in the air, and I was unemployed and sleeping in every other day? But I felt young again for the first time in a long time. I wanted more.



Click through to embiggen and see that old school shoe on the bottom right.

I'm starting to get over it, but it certainly took its toll for a few weeks. At one point I even bought the Fear Factory album Digimortal. I didn't buy it when it first came out because I thought it was commercial and weak. I was right, of course. And boy Back the Fuck Up is a terrible song. I was hoping for more of a techno-industrial feel than I remembered, which would have been the logical progression for the band. You know, techno metal to listen to while drinking boonsefarm and playing SSX on the PS2. Yes, kill me now. It had some of that, but it had a lot of modern influence too -which is a bad thing.

But for 3 dollars not a bad album, and definitely reminds of the time when people had tribal tattoos (wish I had invested in laser tattoo removal clinics!), blue hair, fishnet shirts, etc. It was good that I bought Digimortal because it reminded me of everything I hated about that time; not banging lots of hot chicks, not partying and drinking enough, and people hating the music I loved. Sure, regular folk are going to hate it, no doubt. But fans of the newer breed of heavy guitar music hated what I loved because they hated guitar solos. Assholes. Now they all play guitar hero and listen to Dragonforce. Trendy losers. I was an outsider even among the outsiders.

So for now hopefully my nostalgia has waned. But you never know what will happen, especially if I get that iphone I've always wanted...

Fear and self-loathing in Madvegas

An old buddy of mine is getting married in Belize in a few days. I was invited, but declined because it was going to cost quite a lot in airfare alone, and I was about to lose my job. In hindsight, this was stupid thinking. This is a once in a lifetime trip and I was a fool to not take it. It is too late to change my mind, because I don't have a passport and it takes weeks to get one.

Learn from this mistake.

Monday I am setting up a job interview, even though I am already gainfully employed. I have a bad feeling about the new job I have and was pining for a different job all week when all of a sudden I received 2 phone calls on Friday around quittin' time for new jobs. So I will probably burn a few bridges starting tomorrow and maybe have an even better job. Or maybe the same lame job. Or maybe no job at all. Such is life.



This sort of thing makes me blue

But, as always, there is a level of fear and paranoia in this venture. I want to dump this job for a better job. But I don't want to dump this job if the other job doesn't pan out. This job juggling I call threading the needle. This is the American dream: dicking over your old crappy job for a new crappy job. That and Russian mail-order brides.

Opening Cuba

So the news is starting to come out; Obama is fulfilling his pledge to relax things with Cuba. Finally. So with my Cuban aspirations fulfilled, I wonder if now is the time to get into business there? Maybe you and I should set up a business bringing those sweet cigars up here. There is money to be made for those with the knowledge.

This is how I spend my time

I admit I spend too much time on the youtubes. Well, here is one place where I spend a lot of youtube time:



I need to find someone in Madcity to dress like a retard and drink whiskey with me. Go ahead, look through their youtube archives. They review quite a lot of whiskey, it is very similar to the project I have with The Liquor Exchange.

It keeps me coming back

So I found this gem on the youtubes, and I can't get the damn thing out of my head. Watch:



Get out of my head!

I have a good feeling about this summer. I was feeling quite low about things. I thought my penury, due to unemployment, would eliminate all fun outside of a bottle of 20/20. But my fortunes seem to have changed. I hope that things work out with this job, and my fortunes continue to rise.

This too, shall pass

So this week was a rush. I start work tomorrow. I know I know, I used to be cool! Gone just like that. Like a thief in the night.

Death comes in the night on little cats' feet. -John McLaughlin