Sunday, October 4, 2009

Music is terrible

Years ago when I was unemployed I spent a lot of time looking for new music. It was a chore, I can tell you that. How would you unearth a Russian version of Dimmu Borgir? Too much time on your hands, that's how. Eventually I found myself working and with no time or energy to find wacky music. Good heavy metal is so hard to find. The last good band I found was Lykathea Aflame.

Suffice to say, with my last week of freedom winding down I couldn't help but start a bit of googling. It is all so terrible. Really, I am at a loss. I'd like to show you some great new discovery, some band that is good and new. Sadly, this is what I found...

I liked early Cradle of Filth's music, but hate hate hate Dani Filth's "singing". It doesn't fit the music at all. It wouldn't even be good in a band like Darkthrone. It ruins the band for me. You would think that by now someone would have tried making Cradle of Filth music with good singing. Instead it seems everyone decided to write wimpy riffs and put cheesy orchestra hits over it with some chick crooning. There are so many of these bands. I remember when it was only Nightwish, and of course Theatre of Tragedy. The latter was especially terrible. The woman sang falsetto and the man grunted and growled. The contrasts didn't work at all. And the riffs were boring.

Grunt over the most boring riffs ever invented coupled with a chick singing falsetto with simplistic piano playing. Who buys this stuff?

On Amazon I found a million of these bands. They are: Coronatus, Sirenia, Epica, Imperia, Eyes of Eden, Delain, After Forever, Tarja, Within Temptation...I could go on but I won't. Basically a thousand versions of Nightwish. It is like someone took a good idea and did it poorly over and over and over again. Chick singer, generic fast riffs, orchestra hits. I tell you people this is no good.

In theory, this should work well. When someone besides Dani sings on Cradle of Filth songs it isn't so terrible.

Notice the lack of orchestra hits? Wouldn't this sound better without Dani singing at all? Funny, it is really just an extension of the idea from earlier Cradle of Filth songs. And strangest of all it is the woman from Theater of Tragedy singing. Notice how her singing isn't so bad when she sings in her range? I guess you can't expect people who dress so terribly to get it right. Hey, at least they remembered to put lesbians in their video. Everyone loves lesbos.

Anyways, the point is that music is all terrible, and heavy metal is really terrible these days. There are so many terrible bands to wade through to try and find one good band. And that one good band will either break up, turn terrible, or take years and years to make a new album. Who has time for this? I don't. That's why I haven't found any good new music in forever. Luckily there are plenty of old albums for me to buy to round out my collection. I could spend a fortune just buying Motorhead albums I don't own. Crazy, I know.


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